Half of my heart is a shot gun wedding to a bride with a paper ring...

1. I think McDonald's should start giving me a portion of their profits. I am here more than I am home it seems. I never used to give in to their evil mind games with the goofy clown, and cheap food. But then they started offering free wireless. And whats a girl supposed to do? It also makes for some outstanding people watching.

2. I think after these first 2 points the rest of the blog will be wedding themed. I find so much about the experience to be very bizarre.

3. If one more person says "It's your day you can do anything you want." Seriously people? So just because I found someone willing to marry me I can now break every law, hurt every ones feeling and just behave in a way that is completely uncalled for and its all forgiven because "I'm getting married". Sweet. I would like the local bank to "loan" me millions of dollars, I would like to "borrow" a new car from the local Cadillac dealership. Oh and speed limits no longer apply to me. If I get stopped I will just tell Mr Policeman "I'm getting married, you can't give me a ticket".

4. When did the word Diva become a positive description? Listening to Beyonce she goes on and on about being a Diva. Newsflash... I think that being a diva kinda makes you a... not nice person. Maybe we shouldn't be so proud.

5. This family with 4 kids under the age of 4 just came into McDonald's. They saw an airplane out the window and the 2 year old just screamed out "What the F***" Good job mom and dad. Your lack of shock or scolding for that outburst makes me think that this is considered normal. I definitely see the future of our country in your kids. Future president right there.

6. I made the mistake of venturing through the "wedding" section of our local craft store the other day. The amount of stuff that a bride can purchase is amazing. A dog collar that says "My mommy is getting married" and my personal favorite matching bride and groom hats with rhinestones. Definitely a must have for any marriage, I think if you ask any couple on their 50th wedding anniversary they will say the secret to our happiness was the matching bride and groom t-shirts and hats we wore the day of the wedding.

7. The family in number 5 is screaming for milkshakes now. There is something about that high pitched demanding scream that is like nails on a chalk board. Is it less annoying when its your own kid? OH MY GOODNESS!!!! The 3 year old just recognized Brittney Spears on the radio screamed out "Granny its Womanizer" and is singing every single word. This just got fantastic!!!!!! Nothing like a 3 year old singing "Your a womanizer... woman...womanizer" Oh now they are discussing Lady Gaga. Come on kids its time for a new role model. New song... now 2 of them are singing "She wears high heels I wear sneakers" Best free entertainment ever! This kid knows every single word.

8. I read an article today about a grooms family who was suing to keep the brides family away from the wedding because they said she was marrying a loser. No matter how stressful my wedding seems I should just be glad his parents aren't trying to get a restraining order to keep my parents out of the wedding.

Back to the real world. Thanks for keeping me entertained for my lunch break!

Its Tricky to Rock a Rhyme...

1. I have decided to keep a blog. Why would I do this? No its not because I'm a loser and don't have any friends. Well actually that's exactly why! Moving 1500 miles away from your friends isn't so great on the social life. Those crazy Arkansas kids used to get to hear all my random thoughts, but now I must find a new way to express them. Lame I know.

2. Today I got honked at and flipped off for stopping at a red light. Seriously New England. You need to calm down. I realize I'm not in Arkansas anymore, but seriously in the south we actually stop at red lights. I guess we value our lives. But whatever I won't judge. Risk your own life.

3. Fun fact: The bridges in New York apparently have signs that say"Life is worth living." and goes on to suggest you call the suicide hot line. Here I may be, so depressed that I am considering jumping. But the only thing stopping me? Knowing that this bridge cares. It wants me to live. I don't know who thinks of these things but they deserve a medal. Brillant!!!!!!


4. Stop and Shop has a new system for weighing fruits and veggies. You put them on the scale and tell the computer what food it is, and it prints out a label with a bar code. I think they are a little too trusting on this one. It rang up my 2.5 lbs of asparagus for .21 cents. I would never purposely cheat them, but their own scale rang it up wrong. I can't be blamed for that.


5. I ate asparagus today. This is the first time in my life I have willingly eaten it. The 5 year old me is very disappointed in the 24 year old me. I swore I would live on nothing but ice cream and cookies. Epic Fail.

6. Finally, the state of Massachusetts attempted to assassinate me today. ( I love that word. Its makes me feel so much more important. You only assassinate important people). I pull up a red light, the road continues straight, or I can turn left. But the wonderful state of Massachusetts feels it is a good idea to put a sign up that says "Right turns are permitted" Turning right leads me straight into a rock wall. What kind of sick person thought that was a good idea?